Am I Masking? 30 Autistic Masking Questions Quiz – Find out if you are /masking now!

Am I Masking? 30 Autistic Masking Questions Quiz – Find out if you are /masking now!


this is an autistic masking quiz it’s
Carol bird here author of the Sun I almost gave away so once again I have
lots of notes this time it’s not on a receipt so the question is am i masking
and this is a 30 question quiz on if you are masking and if you are an autistic
and you’re trying to kind of be a chameleon or blend into a neurotypical
world this is a good quest a quest for you because it has 30 questions that you
can ask yourself and I’ll try to give some situations with each one so you can
kind of decide if this is an issue for you or not if you were an undiagnosed
autistic and now you’re looking into the possibility of having autism or having
Asperger’s chances are you’ve been doing a lot of masking throughout your life
and this quiz here is going to help you identify what some of those attributes
would be so first of all I’ll just kind of explain to you guys what autistic
masking is if you think about a chameleon and just the way that they
blend into their environment so much so that they can even not be detected or
noticed at all that’s kind of what autistic masking is so what you’re doing
is if you think about the world being what the neurotypical behavior would be
you’re trying to demonstrate as many neurotypical or normal behaviors as
possible and you’re trying to repress your autistic behaviors mannerisms or
whatever you might have so there’s a lot of things that come
natural to autistics and a lot of things that come natural to neurotypical people
and the whole concept of masking is to try to pretend in a way that you’re as
neurotypical as you possibly can so I didn’t go through the 30 questions kind
of one by one there might not be exactly 30 there may
end up being 31 28 but it’s just gonna be roughly I’m just I’m not going to go
through word by word on my sheet here but it’s gonna be pretty pretty close to
like 30 I might blend a couple together so the first question is based on the
description and that is do you find in life you are trying to mask or suppress
your autistic symptoms or your autistic personality traits or characteristics
and trying to model after or pair it or mimic or be like a chameleon and pretend
to have more neurotypical or social normal kind of traits the second one is
very close to the first one and that is when you’re alone do you feel like you
can just be yourself or when you’re around those that are extremely close to
you do you feel like you can just like be yourself so I have to put my air
conditioning on it’s getting like really hot in here right now and then when
you’re out and about in life do you feel like you have to be a chameleon do you
have to blend or hide do you feel this is number three do you feel like you are
always observing others so that way you can be the perfect parent meaning you
can play back perfectly the behaviors and mannerisms of those that act
socially acceptable number four is an interesting one and is
do you have the ability to pick up on accents easily and sometimes even find
that if you’re talking to someone with an accent you start speaking back to
them in the accent not even necessarily on purpose
number five is when you can’t find the right mask to hide behind do you choose
to isolate instead of expressing yourself at all number six is at times do you find that
you are so good at wearing the mask that you believe the mask yourself
number seven is do you wrestle with or struggle with a fear of others
uncovering or removing your mask or having some supernatural ability to see
behind the mask number eight is in situations where it’s really important
that you can like demonstrate outward acts and signs of like compassion and
empathy where you actually are not just feeling sad for a person but you kind of
are able to say or do something to show compassion or empathy are those the
situation’s you struggle with getting the mask perfect the most where that is
the most awkward for you number nine is do you at times feel like
a computer or a robot and you’re just switching through the apps whatever the
app is required for the situation you’re just going to plug and play into that
app and you’re going to be able to conform just right by doing that number ten is due very few people have
the ability to even tell that you are carrying on in this kind of chameleon
way so do you have people kind of duped where the majority of the people who
know you or that interact with you they don’t really realize that you’re not
being very authentic with them well that just sprayed everywhere number
eleven do you find that constantly having to play this kind of chameleon
and blend in that over a period of time it leads to repeated burnouts the one thing that I’ve noticed is with
autistic kind of like this parroting thing that we do is we do the camouflage
for a while we do it really well but then it leads to burnout then burnout
leads to isolation and isolation leads to depression and the depression can
lead to suicide and I’ve told you guys this a hundred times and I’ll speak on
it over and over forever that there’s a tenfold increased rate of suicides in
the autistic community and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that
there’s so much isolation and this burnout that comes from us having to
blend when it’s so exhausting is one of those reasons we land up in this this
burnout is we just get so exhausted with it so anyway on to number 12 do we feel
like if we don’t wear our masks that we will be on except we won’t be accepted
we feel unsafe we feel too vulnerable we feel like it’s it’s not going to be
well-received and so we don’t even really attempt to be authentic number 13
is are there times where we feel or you feel just completely unaware of who you
even are and if you do know who you are you have a good idea of who you are
you’re pretty ashamed because you don’t really fit yeah that kind of summarizes that one
number fourteen do you feel a lot of social or do you feel a lot of shame
after you’ve made social blunders so where you have tried to just bring the
mask down a little bit and be seen for who you are just a little bit and then
you screw up and you’re humiliated and that follows with a huge sense of shame
number fifteen is do you find that people tend to see you as awkward odd
creepy weird strange just like you don’t fit in and do you kind of even like a
lot of autistics are empaths so we kind of even can just feel how people are
experiencing us do you even feel that kind of creeped out vibe that people are
just really uncomfortable around you I’m number sixteen do you gravitate towards
others that are masking there’s two ways for this question you can actually
answer either way some people some autistics will gravitate to others that
are masking and others are actually really repelled by them so just like
turned off by it because they can pick up on the phone enos and they feel
really uncomfortable around that so it can kind of go either way number 17 is do you find that
role-playing is your life is your life kind of like playing a playing house in
a way and the one of the biggest things is always going along with things like
you know how you’re with your friends and they want to do this or go here go
there talk about these things and you’re just not interested but
you’re just kind of playing along because I mean it’s better than being
alone so you have to kind of act interested and you have to just kind
go along for the ride do you kind of feel like that’s what your life is just
kind of going along with for the ride and having to you know pretend as best
as you can to even understand what you’re talking about when they’re
talking about things that are just not of interest to you at all so like I said
a lot of role-playing number 18 do you feel you’re always having to dumb
yourself down to fit in like you’re a very deep person you want to talk about
things that have substance and significance not necessarily like your
intelligence is higher but almost in a way like you feel like everyone’s
watered down and you’re the real deal when you’re just trying to find someone
to have a real conversation with and just kind of skip all the crap so that’s
number 18 number 19 do you have to turn yourself off when
you’re in public in order to fit in just as an example to what I mean with this
for me I really don’t like when strangers touch me
I can handle when the people I am very closely attached to touch me but in
really small amounts like I really don’t like touch except for my soulmate to be
honest that’s the only touch that I’ve ever liked a soulmate relationship type
of touch so if I’m in an intimate relationship with someone their touch
will feel good to me if I’m in love with them but if I’m not in love with that
person generally their touch is not going to feel good to me so the question
is in situations where it touches the norm just as one example do you feel
like you have to turn yourself off turn off your boundaries
turn off that sense of violation in order to play along with oh okay
everyone else is okay with goodbye hugs and this and that so I’ll just turn that
off and I’ll act like everyone else so that’s the question it’s not
specifically about the affection it’s more about do you have to turn off
your boundaries do you have to turn off yourself in order to fit in and be
accepted do you find at times you come off as a snob
so if you’re not masking or you’re not masking well or you have a moment’s
break from asking do people kind of observe you as being snobby number 21 do
you space off a lot when you’re taking a second off of your masking so you’ve
been trying the mask for a while let’s say you’re in a cafe with your friends
and you’ve been trying to mask and you’ve been trying to fit and just for a
minute you drop your guard just for a second and all of a sudden you’re just
like you know you’re just staring off this happens a lot with autistic masking
it’s like we just our bodies just get to a place our minds get to a place where
it’s like okay checking out for a while feel free to shake me when you need me
to come back number what are we at 22 yeah number 22 does eye contact tire you
out or distract you a lot of us feel quite emotionally mentally exhausted if
we’re having to carry on a conversation with someone with a lot of eye contact
and so this is kind of part of the masking is we do it anyways because it’s
the social norm but at the end of that conversation or to spending time with
this person we can feel really really tired do you put this is number 23 do
you put a lot of energy into not stimming so typically we are going to be
pretty physically distracting beings to be around so we’re rather bouncing
tapping rocking shaking pacing back and forth chewing on our
fingernails pulling on our hair eating on our hair chewing on our hair there’s
so many things that we do do you find a lot of your energy has to go into just
suppressing the stimming when you’re in public settings number 24 do you try not
to act overwhelmed by everything and everyone around you in order to blend in
so for me my classic one is when I’m in a restaurant with someone or you know my
friends or family or something like that and they’re trying to talk to me they’ve
got no idea how much energy I’m putting into actually even paying attention to
them like I am trying to deal with the glare the lighting is the biggest one
for me I’m trying to not notice whatever lighting is behind them whatever
lighting is reflecting on their glasses whatever lighting is reflecting off the
wall the glare on the wall the glare on the table the glare on the menus that
alone just trying to tune out the lighting I’m always renegotiating myself
moving here moving they’re moving the menu trying to block the the glare from
here yeah so you find that you’re putting a lot of energy into just like
tuning off tuning out everything else so you can pay attention and kind of be on
the same page with everybody else twenty five is do you feel pressure to smile
and laugh when you don’t find anything funny this is a big masking one this is
a big autistic masking sign or a big symptom of autistic masking is when
there is a crowd of people or a small group of people or even just one person
they say something that they think is funny so they’re laughing they’re
smiling and you may even understand why they find it funny but you don’t find it
funny but you feel pressure now to smile or laugh because you don’t want to come
across as a snob or you don’t want to insult them or make them feel
uncomfortable I don’t you can’t even see my eyes inis with my
hat shading it but yeah so do you feel just like pressure to have to go along
with it number 26 is playing along in
conversations that have no interest to you something that exhausts you see a
lot of people neurotypical people they can have
conversations with others that they might not be extremely interested in the
topic at hand but they can carry on that conversation and it’s not going to be
too painful for them to do so but for an autistic person it’s actually extremely
exhausting for us to try to talk to someone about something we’re not
interested in like we will come across rather really uninterested or snobby or
will space off but we can only carry on that kind of chameleon type of thing for
a couple of minutes and then then you’ve lost us like we’re checking out for sure and we don’t want to be like that but
it’s almost like we no matter how hard we try you know it’s like if your limit
with doing dumbbell curls it’s like 20 pounds and you lift up that forty pound
or like oh you might be able to like get it once but god you’re not gonna do like
three sets of ten on that thing you know that’s kind of what it’s like for us let
me see number 27 do you rehearse a lot this is a huge huge huge autistic
masking a sign that you rehearse your combos in advance you were play them in
your mind after the fact before you send the text you read it
five times and make changes to it and before you leave a comment on your
facebook or on someone’s youtube channel video or whatever are you rehearsing and
rereading and rethinking and then going back and reading it again and it’s
there’s so much perfectionism involved in this whole thing so do you find that
that’s a big part of your life is just like
spending a lot of energy making sure everything was done perfect or it’s
going to be done perfect number 28 are you always trying to pretend you’re all
there you don’t want people to realize how not there you are so it’s like all
of your energy is going into okay just need to you know be all here be all here
you know number 29 is do you invest a lot of energy into self-regulation so
this is going to be really paying attention when you’re around others to
your autistic quirks now this could be your stems vocal stems singing all the
different mannerisms random outbursts comments on things that are not even
relevant to what you’re talking about all the things you’re observing and
noticing around you that you want to just be like oh wow that car had a flat
tire and the persons in the middle of telling you about how their brother just
died I mean we’re not supposed to do that so we’re always self-regulating
trying to calm down censor those comments
censored don’t be just singing when you’re standing in a lineup in the
grocery store you know don’t be doing this don’t be doing that stop swaying
stop humming stop bouncing stop rocking something like everything you’re
watching yourself and trying to make sure in every moment you’re doing what’s
socially acceptable and the last one number 30 is do you invest a lot of
energy into censoring what should or shouldn’t be said in the context of
what’s appropriate in the conversation so you’re we’re watching what they’re
saying the person that you’re talking to you’re watching what they’re saying and
you’re watching their body language you’re watching their expressions to be
able to identify is this person feeling sad happy frustrated with me is the
sarcasm is it a joke and you’re putting together everything that your intuiting
in your in your body what you’re seeing and all you’re putting it all together
to get a sense for how you’re supposed to respond and you’re putting in so much
energy into thinking about the words that you’re going to use because you
don’t want those words to come across insensitive you don’t want to come
across like you don’t understand what they’re
talking about when really you might not understand what they’re talking about so
you’re always trying to pay attention to the things that you’re about to say
they’re going to be appropriate this is where the filter comes in because we
don’t really have a filter and we deal with a lot of shame and humiliation
because of it which are painful things so what we do is we try to apply this
synthetic filter so we can avoid hurting others and avoid humiliating ourselves
so those are the 30 questions for are you masking or are you autistic masking
I don’t really have too much to add to this video right now I just wanted to
get this kind of quiz out there I don’t have done a lot of different kind of
autistic quizzes I think this is kind of a good one
the reason this came up now is me and my friend were trying to get back to
working on an autistic kind of a really good exhaustive quiz that can be taken
like I think the most exhaustive one that I’ve done so far is about 100 and
100 or 150 questions something like that this one’s gonna be a lot more in depth
and cover areas that the others still cover but yeah so that’s about it this
is my autistic masking quiz it’s Carol bird here author of the son I almost
gave away by

100 comments / Add your comment below

  1. Your videos always make me think.

    Accents. Yes, absolutely. Not just accents, but manner of speech. I automatically adjust accent and choice of words depending on who I'm speaking with. Some would write this off as just a way to more effectively communicate, but replicating an accent doesn't really do much for that.

    Believing the mask. If I wear it enough, it becomes second nature and I suppose that I can forget at times that it is just a mask and not really who I am.

    Being yourself when alone. Definitely. Much like scuba divers have to decompress as they return to the surface. I have to spend time away from everybody, physically or at least mentally, to return to my real self. Scuba divers, the longer and the deeper they go, the longer the decompression time. For me, the longer I've been pretending to be someone/something else, the longer time I have to spend in returning to myself.

    Observing/playing back. Yes, very much so. It's not a passion of mine, but I noticed that many aspies seem to gravitate towards acting careers. If every day, every interaction with others is an acting performance, they must get pretty good at it.

    Isolation when not finding the right mask. Hmmm… not feeling this one. Switching masks can be very tricky at times, because I have to be sure that I don't get caught out. That is, someone sees two different masks close together in time. Pretty clear that I'm not really fooling that person at that point. If I'm wearing one mask for a situation and then move on to a new situation and the new situation calls for a different mask, but there is a person who was present in both situations, then I might choose to withdraw, rather than get caught out.

    Fear of being unmasked is absolutely terrifying. At the same time, my deepest desire is to appear completely unmasked and be accepted.

    Struggling with getting the mask perfect in deeply emotional situations. Yes, very much so. I have such a hard time coming up with the right words to say to people at funerals, etc.

    Playing the chameleon leads to repeated burnout. No question about it. Someone once said (I can't remember who), that every time we pretend to be someone we're not, a piece of our soul dies. The denial of who we are, to others is deeply damaging psychologically. It's not at all surprising that suicide is so much more common in autistics than neurotypicals.

    Letting the mask down and screwing up. Yes very much so. Beyond that, is the fear that I've screwed up by sharing too much. That the other person is thinking that I've crossed some imaginary line in providing "too much information". Fighting that right now.

    People think I'm strange? I long ago came to the realization that for most people that I know, I am the strangest person that they know. For some strange reason, I don't have a problem admitting that to anyone.

    Having to dumb myself down in order to fit in. Constantly. So many ideas and concepts that are right there for me, but I can't discuss them because no one will understand them. Even language can be a problem. There are so many words that I know, but can't use, because the masses just aren't familiar with them, or they think that I'm trying appear more sophisticated than them.

    Turning off yourself in order to fit in and be accepted. Not so long ago I ran into someone that I hadn't seen for a while and this person absolutely knew that I didn't like to be touched and said that she knew it, out loud and insisted on doing it anyway. The hug lasted probably 5 seconds, but I was completely frozen. I couldn't move and just wished for it to end. It felt like it lasted an eternity. I felt like this person would be offended if I refused a hug. It didn't help that there were a lot of other people watching. So yes, I relented in order for it not to seem like something was wrong with me. So, I was violated and pretended that I wasn't. Another piece of my soul died.

    Perceived as being snobby. Yes that is true. As a personal choice, I don't drink alcohol in any form. I don't really care what anyone else does. In this, I am true to myself. Other people somehow think that I'm looking down my nose at them and they tend to drink much less when I'm present. Why is it that being true to myself, comes off as being snobby? I mean, do other people also want to not drink, but feel pressured by others to drink and so they're envious of me for going my own way and not succumbing to the social pressure? It doesn't seem so hard to not succumb to social pressure, when you don't perceive that pressure.

    Eye contact exhausting. Someone once said; "the eyes are windows to the soul". It feels like the other person can see into my soul, when making eye contact. I'm not so confident that they will like what they see. So, I'm not doing it a lot. I don't see what people get from eye contact. All they have to do, to know my reaction to what I'm saying, is to listen to the words I speak in reply. I think that I'm very expressive in my speech. It's all there, everything that I want them to know about my reaction. Is it that people can't lie with their eyes? So, they look at my eyes to know the truth about what I think? In any case, having to make eye contact for an extended time, makes me anxious that I'm not sending the right signals, much like I'm not always sure that I'm speaking the right words.

    Trying hard to not stim. I wasn't even aware of any stims that I had until recently. I asked one of the very very few neurotypicals that know about my aspergers, if I had any stims. The reply rather stunned me. I was told that I'm always biting the inside of my cheek (not hard), always on the left side. I knew that I did that, but I didn't think that it was a stim and I didn't think that anyone could tell that I was doing it. Since then, I'm always thinking about it, trying not to do it. I tell myself that I can do it when I'm alone, but not when other people might notice.

    Smiling/laughing even though it's not funny. Yes, I do this, but I'm not sure how to distinguish between this as an autistic trait vs just part of the human experience, as I notice that a lot of neurotypicals laugh at jokes that are too sophisticated for them to understand. I think they're doing it just go along and so they don't have to admit that they didn't get the joke.

    Rehearsing/reviewing. Yes, so much perfection. Since I'm so often misunderstood and have trouble understanding others, I go the extra mile to make sure that I haven't made any confusing statements, etc. When rehearsing conversations, I'm trying to analyze exactly how the words that I'm going to say, will be received. With no automatic filter, it's all I can do to try to minimize the possibility of coming across differently than I intended. I review everything that I write multiple times to make sure that things I've written can't be mis-interpreted.

  2. I tried posting a comment, but it seems to have disappeared. Maybe it was too long. I'll try to break it up into multiple parts.
    .

    Your videos always make me think.

    Accents. Yes, absolutely. Not just accents, but manner of speech. I automatically adjust accent and choice of words depending on who I'm speaking with. Some would write this off as just a way to more effectively communicate, but replicating an accent doesn't really do much for that.

    Believing the mask. If I wear it enough, it becomes second nature and I suppose that I can forget at times that it is just a mask and not really who I am.

    Being yourself when alone. Definitely. Much like scuba divers have to decompress as they return to the surface. I have to spend time away from everybody, physically or at least mentally, to return to my real self. Scuba divers, the longer and the deeper they go, the longer the decompression time. For me, the longer I've been pretending to be someone/something else, the longer time I have to spend in returning to myself.

    Observing/playing back. Yes, very much so. It's not a passion of mine, but I noticed that many aspies seem to gravitate towards acting careers. If every day, every interaction with others is an acting performance, they must get pretty good at it.

    Isolation when not finding the right mask. Hmmm… not feeling this one. Switching masks can be very tricky at times, because I have to be sure that I don't get caught out. That is, someone sees two different masks close together in time. Pretty clear that I'm not really fooling that person at that point. If I'm wearing one mask for a situation and then move on to a new situation and the new situation calls for a different mask, but there is a person who was present in both situations, then I might choose to withdraw, rather than get caught out.

    Fear of being unmasked is absolutely terrifying. At the same time, my deepest desire is to appear completely unmasked and be accepted.

    Struggling with getting the mask perfect in deeply emotional situations. Yes, very much so. I have such a hard time coming up with the right words to say to people at funerals, etc.

    Playing the chameleon leads to repeated burnout. No question about it. Someone once said (I can't remember who), that every time we pretend to be someone we're not, a piece of our soul dies. The denial of who we are, to others is deeply damaging psychologically. It's not at all surprising that suicide is so much more common in autistics than neurotypicals.

  3. .
    Letting the mask down and screwing up. Yes very much so. Beyond that, is the fear that I've screwed up by sharing too much. That the other person is thinking that I've crossed some imaginary line in providing "too much information". Fighting that right now.

    People think I'm strange? I long ago came to the realization that for most people that I know, I am the strangest person that they know. For some strange reason, I don't have a problem admitting that to anyone.

    Having to dumb myself down in order to fit in. Constantly. So many ideas and concepts that are right there for me, but I can't discuss them because no one will understand them. Even language can be a problem. There are so many words that I know, but can't use, because the masses just aren't familiar with them, or they think that I'm trying appear more sophisticated than them.

    Turning off yourself in order to fit in and be accepted. Not so long ago I ran into someone that I hadn't seen for a while and this person absolutely knew that I didn't like to be touched and said that she knew it, out loud and insisted on doing it anyway. The hug lasted probably 5 seconds, but I was completely frozen. I couldn't move and just wished for it to end. It felt like it lasted an eternity. I felt like this person would be offended if I refused a hug. It didn't help that there were a lot of other people watching. So yes, I relented in order for it not to seem like something was wrong with me. So, I was violated and pretended that I wasn't. Another piece of my soul died.

    Perceived as being snobby. Yes that is true. As a personal choice, I don't drink alcohol in any form. I don't really care what anyone else does. In this, I am true to myself. Other people somehow think that I'm looking down my nose at them and they tend to drink much less when I'm present. Why is it that being true to myself, comes off as being snobby? I mean, do other people also want to not drink, but feel pressured by others to drink and so they're envious of me for going my own way and not succumbing to the social pressure? It doesn't seem so hard to not succumb to social pressure, when you don't perceive that pressure.

  4. .
    Eye contact exhausting. Someone once said; "the eyes are windows to the soul". It feels like the other person can see into my soul, when making eye contact. I'm not so confident that they will like what they see. So, I'm not doing it a lot. I don't see what people get from eye contact. All they have to do, to know my reaction to what I'm saying, is to listen to the words I speak in reply. I think that I'm very expressive in my speech. It's all there, everything that I want them to know about my reaction. Is it that people can't lie with their eyes? So, they look at my eyes to know the truth about what I think? In any case, having to make eye contact for an extended time, makes me anxious that I'm not sending the right signals, much like I'm not always sure that I'm speaking the right words.

    Trying hard to not stim. I wasn't even aware of any stims that I had until recently. I asked one of the very very few neurotypicals that know about my aspergers, if I had any stims. The reply rather stunned me. I was told that I'm always biting the inside of my cheek (not hard), always on the left side. I knew that I did that, but I didn't think that it was a stim and I didn't think that anyone could tell that I was doing it. Since then, I'm always thinking about it, trying not to do it. I tell myself that I can do it when I'm alone, but not when other people might notice.

    Smiling/laughing even though it's not funny. Yes, I do this, but I'm not sure how to distinguish between this as an autistic trait vs just part of the human experience, as I notice that a lot of neurotypicals laugh at jokes that are too sophisticated for them to understand. I think they're doing it just go along and so they don't have to admit that they didn't get the joke.

    Rehearsing/reviewing. Yes, so much perfection. Since I'm so often misunderstood and have trouble understanding others, I go the extra mile to make sure that I haven't made any confusing statements, etc. When rehearsing conversations, I'm trying to analyze exactly how the words that I'm going to say, will be received. With no automatic filter, it's all I can do to try to minimize the possibility of coming across differently than I intended. I review everything that I write multiple times to make sure that things I've written can't be mis-interpreted.

  5. I'm recently diagnosed (8months ago) and am learning a lot about myself – As I read the responses here and from others, I better understand just how differently autism expresses itself in each of us and how different the reason are that we mask. – There is also the factor of whether you know you are autistic and intentionally mask or don't know, and masking is motivated for different reasons. Either way, masking is a form of suppression who we are, and our true feelings both physically and emotionally – There may be a time and place for masking but, in general, but if you are not well grounded in who you REALLY are, it can be a very harmful behavior. That is my experience at least…

  6. I've been waiting for a video like that one for a while! Experts, Doctors speak about how especially girls and women manage to hide their autism with masking… But it's rarely explained how it looks like in more detail. Now I know! Thanks for this from an (yet undiagnosed) aspie!

  7. I did this assignment which was super difficult for me from my counselor. I had to say a genuine real “I love you” to each of my family members. And it was extremely hard (especially since I had 6 family members). I knew that I loved them, and I thought it everyday but I sometimes worry that if I say it I’ll loose the person. And so when I did it with each of my family members I would choke up (especially with my parents) and I would loose my words. But of course I didn’t forget them (the words) I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. And when I eventually did I felt a rush of happiness overflow me. It was like I was a bird being released from a horrible cage; finally, set free.

  8. I have masked for so long that it is difficult for me to distinguish what is and what isn’t or whether I am really autistic. It is giving me overwhelming anxiety especially since watching your “is autism cool” video, but so much of it fits and I have synesthesia as well (common in people on the spectrum) and I think in pictures and when I am with my partner (he is autistic) or by myself I feel the need to talk in accents or character voices (only person I feel comfortable doing this with.. I wish I could do it with everyone whenever I felt I needed to) because my own voice physically feeeels uncomfortable and I am so confused and overwhelmed. Sorry to rant, if anyone has any commentary on their experiences with confusion/diagnosis please feel free to share.

    EDIT** After finishing this video I can fully
    say that I relate to almost all of these. The one that affected me the most I think was the pressure to smile/laugh. It is sooo physically painful for me to do this I cannot even explain to you. It will make me feel like punching things. Also… could you maybe do a video on the difference between neurotypical and atypical masking? Because I feel as though many people put up a front but it is quite different than let’s say somebody on the spectrum who is literally shapeshifting (that’s what I call it for myself). How much of a difference between the general public facade and the aspie facade would you say there is?

  9. Oh how nice it is to hear you explaining how i am in much detail. I cant express myself like you can. I wish i could. Im going to my doctors to ask for a formal diagnosis so i have done this quiz. Thank you for all your videos. They help so many ?? much love X

  10. I call it "playing myself". If the social environment was a movie, I'd be an actress playing the "me" which is somehow created by both myself and the social circle.

  11. Great! You do a very good job and I feel that your content has more depth and reality than that of many channels on the subject! On the masking theme I feel the following: I spent 40 years pretending to be "normal", and this is tiring. After the diagnosis (which was less than 1 year ago!) and with a lot of education on the subject, I feel kind of in the "right" to be a bit autistic sometimes. So, at social gatherings, at friends' houses, I move away a little hourly, I recover, or I get a little distracted by playing "CandyCrush" because it super relaxes me. And so I can stay longer. Because I really enjoy being there, I like to be close to those people because I really like them, but I just do not want to interact with them. I'm glad just being there. I just don’t want to talk!!! But who understands that?!?!?! Every moment comes someone and asks if everything is okay … why I am hiding myself…. etc … Conclusion: after many years pretending to be normal, you lose the right to be a bit autistic at sometimes! I didn’t tell anyone about the diagnosis. Only my husband knows. He helps me by saying to people: she's fine … she's so good that she's comfortable. But no one believes. So sometimes I need to get out of my happy autistic world and wear the old, well-known neurotypical mask and go there to relieve the anguish of others about me … at the cost of being overwhelmed, bored and superficial myself. So I think ?: what logic is that? That I have to stop feeling good so that people believe I'm good?!?! Weird logic, right?
    Sorry for my writing mistakes, as I said, I'm from Brazil and I'm grateful to have studied English. Because all the interesting things about Autism / Asperger's are in English. We do not have much good and current around here! Thank you for your work !!! It is of enormous value! Hugs! ???

  12. My filter is I just automatically assume whatever I want to talk about is inappropriate and don't talk at all instead beyond short answers to questions.

  13. I'm 39 and I can't remember the last time I had an original thought……
    I've been mimicking/masking for longer than I can remember I don't know what is real anymore.

  14. I'm aspergers and this sums up my life. I'm so tired and worn out and I'm late 40s. I'm so terrified that people identify that I'm weird and not socially acceptable ?

  15. Wow. So helpful. I'm a yes to at least 18!!! I'm realising at 37 that I have ASD…undiagnosed, upon realising I'm going through one of the biggest burnouts I have ever experienced! it's like you are talking right to me.
    Thank you for this video 🙂

  16. Eye contact is hard work due to the fact eyes say more than words and if I detect dissonance between words and the energy I can’t look at the person. That fake thing, if the person is congruent I can do it for longer gaps.

  17. I so appreciate your videos. I have not ever had the language to describe what I have been feeling and experiencing. Now that I have watched your videos, it gives me the tools I need to express myself, explain what I’m going through, and seek help when needed. I cannot thank you enough!

  18. Thank you so much ,you really helped me alot. I was about to give up the idea that I may have asperges which explain all what I am going through.

  19. i've watched so many videos on the subject, done so many quizzes and read so many articles, but i'm still not sure if i'm on the spectrum or not. i definitely don't fit with the "classic" autistic symptoms.

    i don't think i have many sensory issues, but 2 big ones for me are scratchy/scrapey sounds, which makes my teeth feel weird and i have to rub them with my tongue to smooth it out and the other one is when i constantly have to smooth/rub over all my fingernails to get rid of a similar feeling if i accidentally scratch something.

    my husband has noted that i can be friends with people much younger than i by acting and talking the same way they do. i get along much better with them that way, whereas he said that he can't do that cos it's too annoying for him. i don't know if that counts as masking. i do feel like i change how i act in very specific ways, how i talk, depending on who i'm talking to, but doesn't everyone do that? i also do rehearse and imagine conversations a lot in my head.

    i am vaguely aware that i do perform some repetitive motions sometimes, but i'm not sure if they count as stimming. i don't have typical stims like hand flapping or anything. i do rock back and forth sometimes, but only when i'm alone, cos i don't want people to think i'm weird.

    i am very introverted. until i get to know a person, there is only one way i can able to talk in front of others: if someone i am extremely comfortable with (my sister-in-law, for example) is with me and i tease her and sort of put on an act? at least that's what it feels like. otherwise, i have no clue how to carry on a conversation. i don't know what to say. i don't know how other people can do it with minimal effort. it took me years just to learn that the correct answer to "how are you?" is "i'm good, thanks" and the person asking usually isn't actually interested. i can only actually contribute to a conversation if it's a topic i'm really into, like gaming or anime i like. i am also much more "vocal" online than in person and show a lot more personality, because typing isn't the same thing as talking verbally and is so much easier.

    when i was younger, i spent a lot of time watching my friends and other people talk, while i stayed quiet, but wished that i could do the same. i think that's how i slowly learned the right way to act or respond to certain things. i was just considered very shy and quiet.

    a long time ago, i learned a really great trick to fake eye contact and that is to just look at the space between the person's eyes (i started with the forehead though). as long as you're not very close to them, it looks like you're making eye contact. this trick has helped me a LOT cos while i'm a bit better at it now, i could never make eye contact until relatively recently and the few times i did, it was very brief.

  20. I think you need to have a lot of self-awareness to be able to see and understand that you are masking. I have been doing a lot of the things on the list my whole life, but it's first now when I was diagnosed with autism 1 that I could see what I have been doing. Or start seeing is more correct. I understand more about my self every day now and it starting to be easier to see patterns and explain to other people how it feels and what's going on inside my head.

  21. Geez this is me completely. I always thought i just was social phobic. I had anorexia when I was a teen and was considered possibly borderline personality when I was 15. But I am pretty sure I have ASD. I just didn't think it was possible because I was smart enough to go to college and get my degree. But I have had so much trouble socializing, I have ended relationships on a whim, abandoned jobs, isolated myself just because socializing makes me so tired. I even dropped out of high school and taught myself so I could graduate on time. It's terrifying now because my three year old son is super outgoing and loves people and now even when I am shopping I have to put a smile on and pretend to have small talk because my son initiates interaction with complete strangers all the time.

  22. Ticking off all the boxes…. I am doing a bit better with not masking, but it is hard to shake the life long habit.

  23. I have never encountered a more accurate reflection of myself than right here. Harrowingly on the money, i wish I could play this to my therapists. ?

  24. Very well done. Good job . I am late-diagnosed as Autistic. I answered YES to each question and all through my undiagnosed life. In social situations, that mask is slapped on but it is torture. I've had several autistic burnout situations and physical illness and aches and pains. I was described as being 'stand-offish', rude, brusque, having a sulk in company … yep, all that. Each question, after the answer YES, have so many anecdotes. I'm an empath, I like what I call 'meaty and meaningful conversations' … Yes, all that. Now, where's there a merchandise stall I can buy up?

  25. Bruhhhh I might have ASD at 22 been called weird strange different all my life. Uncle just did 10 mins ago. Always wondered why I really couldn't make friends.

  26. 30+ Years living in Isolation. UK, Ex-Serviceman but have the wrong symptoms for any help/support. I now 'Like' the depression as that is easier to understand than all the other stuff (The Darkness is my comfort)

  27. I've begun embracing my inner weirdo. Too old to care about fitting in and wise enough through experience to find others that don't care. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. When we stop trying to fit in we break our scripts and begin our true path. If I hear one more comment about which movie star I remind someone of my head will explode.??

  28. Eye contact hurts! It isn’t just weird or tiring. It feels like I’m purposely hurting myself … it’s taken years to be able to handle it and do it. Now I do it without as much pain but seriously … why? I have ears. I can hear and respond. My eyes want the gentle floor or wall.

  29. Love your channel and autentic self. Your videos and exemples are informative, funny and relatable ? I allways prefer to use exemples myself, but neurotypicals in my life usely stops me or dont get that I am trying to make a point. I also see in the comment section with autists here that you aswell jumped the topics, starting right from the top of your hed without the formall beginning. With neurotypicals I often find them cutting me off because they dont understand I am still on the topic, I just countinue to get it moving, starting at next level kind of, I just dont start off the sentence where they expect. If they listen tho they do usely get what I am saying. Friends I can be autentic with actully prefer me doing this just like I do. They dont like was ting off energy on the unesseecerly shit chats.

  30. I used to absolutely hate hugs. It was so uncomfortable that when I'd go ahead and try to give someone a hug that they precipitated I'd inevitably bump into them while forcing a side hug, or I'd step on their feet! I met a woman last year who is on the spectrum. It was a little like meeting my twin. We just understood one another. She said that she saw herself in me. I did a few online quizzes and the scores always said that it was very likely that I have this. Then I just let it go since I was battling homelessness due to past narcissistic abuse. I just randomly found your channel a few days ago and at times I feel like I'm listening to myself. Not sure where to go from here though. ?

  31. It's pretty weird how with these descriptions, in a sense, you know more about me than any person that ever actually met me.

    I had been masking 24/7 towards everybody, including my family, until about age 19-20, at which point I finally had completely burned out from it and went into isolation and chronic depression for almost a decade now.

    When I slowly started having to drop the act around 18, all my social connections were.. less than impressed with the much less confident and quirkier person that wanted to talk about actual issues from now and then instead of just a constant repeat of partying, drinking and small talk, and they very quickly disappeared.

    The struggles that came after that were hard to hide from those closest to me, and a few years ago with 23 I finally went and got my diagnosis, not even knowing if I was actually different from others or just felt that way and was simply dealing with things worse than others, or why, until then.

    Pretty much every single question you described was on point, and even till today I can't stop myself from immediately putting on my mask again in any social situation, especially with strangers, but even still with those few closest to me to an extend, like a slightly see through mask as opposed to being fully masked.
    Even though I'm completely self-aware about doing it after it's on, or in cases where I really wish I hadn't, I can't help but do it. It's like a compulsion for self-protection.
    Once it's in place I feel like I can't remove it, especially in presence of those who met me/only know me "fully masked", no matter how intensely it drains me.

    Sometimes I felt deep regret about meeting someone who turned out nice, knowing they didn't actually meet me, and most likely never will because I can hardly expose myself as someone else after the fact, which then turns me to withdraw.

    When I do try to expose parts of myself on the other hand it always comes with deep shame and regret about perceived errors I made, or fears of having over shared, as it doesn't tend to go well.
    It feels like no matter what I do, pretending or trying to be myself (whoever that is), I can't win or feel good about it.

    Often I feel like I'm too good of an actor for my own good, as it prevents people from realising how bad I actually am, but I can't stop myself from fooling others into thinking I'm normal and fine, even when I really shouldn't or no matter how much cracks the mask gets. I just don't know any different.

    This is about the most sharing I've ever done about this, and I'm sure I'll feel deep shame and anxiety over it for quite some time, constantly thinking it will catch up to me and expose me somehow.
    Can't drop the Mask after all. So, yay..

    Kind of caught me off guard though to click on this video not expecting much, and having someone essentially read myself or what I went through to me in question form.
    But after reading through this 20 times, I suppose I'll hit comment, before I doctor the text to death. (Which I wrote just to then go over the text 5 more times making minor changes)

  32. It's hard for me to answer questions because the answer depends on the circumstance. For example. I can chitchat with someone at the grocery store because it usually involves a real topic, like "Have you tried this? Is it good?" But, at a party, trying to strike up a conversation with a stranger about something in which I have zero interest is virtually impossible. With questions like, do you pick up on a person's mood? Well, I think so but how would I know if I were wrong? I have answered yes to almost every single question you've asked in two videos. But, sometimes I have to really rethink what I believe is true. For years people told me I was a good conversationalist, but in fact, I'm awful. All I'm good at is interjecting a witticism, here and there, and only in very restricted situations. I wish getting an evaluation weren't so expensive.

  33. I believe I was about 10 years old when I first started noticing my tics. That was a long, long time ago. My mother called them habits. It was probably 15-20 years ago that I self-diagnosed myself with Tourettes. Now, I'm not sure what the difference between Tourettes and stimming is. I have had many different symptoms over the years. My eyes, mouth, shoulders, legs, sniffing, clicking my tongue… The list goes on and on. Some things were actually painful or very uncomfortable.

  34. I masked for 40 years and didn't even know I was doing it. I can't get diagnosed because I'm 44 years old now. Nobody believes me but it's ok. I know who I am. I don't mask anymore. I've finally accepted myself and care less what others think of me. Lol.

  35. Great video!! I had one no, one maybe, and the rest are all big a big yes. I think I really might be, I'm not sure what to do now..

  36. I get told I'm rude so often that I started to believe it's true. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm really on the spectrum. I also am diagnosed OCD and these issues of stemming flow into compulsive behavior I use to abate anxiety. They seem to play into and off of each other. Very hard to cope.

  37. If you liked this video – you may want to check out this one as well: Am I autistic test! 9 Communication Styles That Confuse the LIFE out of Autistic People! https://youtu.be/4XL-bfrdiPM

  38. I laughed on question 18. I related to 90 percent of these. I want to give an example Last night I was having a long conversation with my wife about her friend that’s having great financial problems. She was going on and on. It was all about money. The whole conversation. She started talking about her friend not being able to have even a cushion. Well we all know it’s common to use that word with money. Long story short I went into thought wow she can’t even buy a cushion and then thought why does she need a cushion for her couch. Then thought. Maybe she needs at work. Yep. My wife started laughing. As I told her what I thought she needs a cushion. Yea it was actually a money cushion. Mind you the entire conversation was about her friend and money. I asked my wife is this a symptom she hesitated and just shook her head and was like how did you even think of that. I hastily asked is this a symptom? Laughing and laughing, This happens frequently btw.its like I cannot help it. It just happens a lot. She’s kinda at a loss with this whole literal mind set. Its pretty funny most of the time if anything its entertaining for her ,to say the least.

  39. Another example that happened a couple weeks ago. My wife and I decided to go to a store called micheals so as we started walking towards the store she explained there’s Michele’s. I said where. I immediately thought of my friend mike that I met a couple weeks ago that I’m actually trying to avoid. Them I thought of another mike that we have known for several years. . What do you call this? My wife was like u got to be kidding. There’s the big sign in front of us. micheals. (The store). I kinda felt stupid but once again we both laughed esp my wife.

  40. Cried my way through this video because this has been my life. I'm in another burn out now, after being back in academia. I spend a lot of energy trying not to stim. My stepdad used to clout me for tapping and I grew up with a lot of repression and then secret release of 'me'. Wanted to write and act for work as I felt more comfortable with narrative and masking, but I never knew why until just this year really. Even during years of being a teacher and having some info on autism, I rejected the links. I was bullied a lot for being what they termed 'a professor' and learned to numb out with substances and hard partying to fit in, or to overwork in school to fit in with the teachers. I was actually redrafting this comment when you spoke about rereading texts, and I am exhausted. I lost the love of my life trying to fit in with his mundane family and their lack of compassion, and trying to 'play house'. I do a brilliant job of seeming normal often, but I have always been exploited in the workplace and in relationships, so my life has been a wreck. I feel like most people crush my joy, and I don't know how I survived teaching or the humiliation of rejection by my husband. Trying to understand this might help me to help my kids, and I've made a couple of friends on the spectrum who've made a huge difference. One of my kids is like me. People have always told me I'm 'too intense' or 'too sensitive' or too something and I feel that I've deadened myself to try to please a bunch of people who were just closed-minded and damaging to me.

  41. Mask; no one but my daughter believes me. I don't purposely ware a mask because I am not that capable in keep up with my Asperger's, but I call IT "adapting and adopting" my situation. I wrestle with people in real life not having the patience to see who they hire or make friends with. As an Asperger's, I can see other people like me and even people with other types of problems that is everywhere! I also see when people don't understand people like me which means that they don't know that person. The reason I am saying this is because it happens to me but people wi) sweep it under the carpet especially if the person is doing ( something good for you ). When I am alone I will automatically reflect my day and sometimes get mad at myself because of something I did or said that was Asperger's related. I do talk to myself out loud on the job to and if someone ask me what the hell that I am talking about I will tell them no matter what. I have 90% failed in the dating game because I am Asperger's when it comes to humans and was not able to mask socially. Only if a person is a very (true) non-user judgemental person. Most people from other countries don't know Asperger's because they are literal anyway so I make friends with them the best especially if they are from Germany, England and Russian. In the United States it would be in the major cities because they don't care anyways.

  42. I feel The burn outs leads to isolation and isolation leads to depression, because YOU want to be normal that's all and you know that you are not. No matter how good people think of you and you have mask or adapted Asperger's know that they are not normal. Hell, I knew that I was not normal at the age of 12 years old! I was smart, and a goid guy , kids can see through people better than adults.

  43. Sometimes I feel like I am watching myself out dude of my body not being able to control curtain behaviors. Then yes I feel ashamed because I can't control what I say.

  44. I don't mask intelligence, people do that for me then I get ashamed because people will elevate my intelligence and put me in a (it's a scam zone). Then I will have to defend myself and take it down a notch because my intelligence is a true mask from having to deal with fitting in having Asperger's.

  45. Wow…

    Even knowing that I am, and knowing that I mask… I didn't realize that some of these are things not everyone does.

    There are several of these that I just think of as like, being human… apparently my masking is more extensive than I realized.

  46. Wow its amazing to hear there's ppl who feel the same as me… I feel my mask is me now and don't know who really I am now… Also been in burnout for past 2 years and sick of doctors telling me it's my depression and treating me for just that… I guess they are trying their best but just don't understand

  47. I guess survival skills for autistic people are a lot more involved than for Aspes. Being Aspe is no picnic but more autistic people have even much harder. I can relate to sense of being awkward, ashamed, being touched, and trying to fit in by not really being yourself. Still, I met some autistic people who probably could not even pretend adopt a role. But, being neuro normal must be boring, just another sheep in a herd. Light and sounds are also a big deal.

  48. "Yes" on every question. It's actually a relief to know that others experience these symptoms too.

  49. Only the hug question is the one that didn't get me. I like hugs. Otherwise, I'm full shields & mask. Eye contact is usually unwelcome here, but if someone has really beautiful eyes, I can't help but look.

    Don't take me to a fabric store – I'll pet every roll of cloth!
    29/30! I'm probably autistic/aspie! Explains a few things.

  50. Great job Carol! Totally relate! You sure know your stuff! Please keep getting these videos out. They are greatly needed. xxx

  51. I am finally learning to stop the masking most of the time. Especially at home and when with my husband and kids I really let it all out hahaha I love that he then does the same. We have a ball being silly and just being ourselves. A few days ago we had lunch with some friends who very likely are Aspies too, (they will be looking into it to confirm). Anyhow, our family (our two kids and us) is an ALL Aspie family. You should have seen us in the restaurant hahaha It was a circus! Imagine four adults and two kids all gradually taking their masks off without even realizing it. At first, our behavior was quite NTish, but as we kept feeling more and more comfortable we started to gradually get rid of our masks and it was so much fun. A riot! Hahaha I kept looking at each one of us and couldn't help but laugh really hard thinking: "I wonder if people around us are wondering if we are aliens from some far away planet that don't have a clue about the accepted social norms and how to behave in public" Of course, we were not being offensive or anything like that. We were just letting the little child in each of us come out and play and it felt so good.

  52. Great video! I had no idea how much I was Masking before I got the diagnosis. . It takes a bit of time to rediscover myself. I used to drink alcohol, smoke cannabis, nicotine and I drank coffee to either dumb down myself or get enough energy to function. I've quit all of it to get back to myself. I realised I had sedated myself in order to cope with my relationships etc. After the diagnosis I ended many toxic and overdue friendships. But it's no wonder my relationships were failing, I wasn't being myself ! And they didn't even know. Maybe somebody else can relate. I believe substance abuse is huge among especially Undiagnosed asd.

  53. Is this a cross with being an empath, energy absorber, and adhd? Thank you for giving examples ? could it be an old soul who senses all and put all energy out there to pick up what you are describing?
    Can someone absorb another that is autistic if they spend a lot of time together?
    Thank you.

  54. We don’t fit in because we are here to collapse the old system & create the new..
    We are here to force acceptance & unconditional love ?

  55. Hey MD, can you do a video on the Big 5 Personality test and ASD? I think there may be a correlation in some traits there.

  56. Wow.. It hit me about a year ago that I may be autistic.. I'm 51 and have never fit in or felt right.. and so I've watched a lot of ASD and aspie vids trying to figure this out. A lot of the symptoms are hit or miss.. some kinda fit, some I'm not sure about. but this vid just literally ticked every box, and now it makes sense why. I've been masking my whole life, and I'm exhausted. Thank you for this video.

  57. I have survived for 44 yrs by masking..I just recently got my referral to my shrink for diagnosis. I am happy that I can finally see who I am..I masked because I was bullied as a child and as a young adult. Now I can finally say, I can breathe..and don't care what anyone thinks of me.

  58. Be sure to watch the 4 part series on Masking here, starting with: What is This Mask Called ME? (Part 1/4 in the, "Who Am I Behind the Mask Series") https://youtu.be/Q42-ciacU4c

  59. I felt this SO hard. I was great at masking and actually became really popular. However, when I was 16 I had a sort of breakdown and couldn’t leave the house for months and almost became “”more”” autistic because I just couldn’t keep the mask on an more . I’m still recovering and it was almost a year ago

  60. I think I was aware I was masking to fit in in many circumstances but if I got a break to be by myself I would cry with laughter at what I was really thinking and experiencing and what reaction I would get it I told someone.

  61. Thank you so much for this video. I'm having trouble trying to process my recent diagnosis and masking is the main culprit. I'm stuck in a loop of doubting, then accepting. The diagnostic team had a hard time with me too.

  62. I can relate to ALL of it! Rehearsing! A BIG one! Pretend I am all there! A BIG be too! Great video Carol.

  63. Very interesting, I had always thought of masking as only chameleon like behaviour, which I so bad at I just do the absolute minimum. But then I don't have classic/obvious stims, is supressing them a mask? I have been doing it for so long I don't even know.

  64. I was masking before I even knew I am an Aspie. I was diagnosed in my mid-30s. I didn’t think of it as masking so much as just trying to fit in. I still came across as awkward many times growing up, snobby too. I’ve gotten pretty good at masking now, but I have my limits like talking to strangers for no reason. My neighbors a few doors down actually asked if I am racist because I didn’t speak to them for the first 5 years I lived close to them. Of course I am not, just keeping to myself because the mask is hard and I don’t put it on when I don’t have to. Easier just to avoid interacting with people.

    I don’t let anyone I’m not very close to see me as I really am. Even then it makes me nervous.

    I do almost everything on your list. I learned what masking skills I have by being humiliated when I got things wrong and by watching neurotypicals like a hawk, almost like anthropology.

    Still, I can’t always pull it off. Sometimes the noise in the room is too much and I falter, for example. In other cases, someone mentions a topic in passing, and I think they really care about it—I just start spewing information about it and miss all the signs that the other person was just making conversation and doesn’t really care to hear everything I know about the subject.

    Anyway, thank you for this video.

  65. Masking? Who, me?
    I know who I am! I'm the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude…

    wait… is RDJ autistic?

  66. I was diagnosed with Asperger's a few months ago right before I turned 18, but at the same time it's really hard to relate or tell if I have some of the symptoms, like I have trouble identifying if I do some of the things talked about in the video or don't. I'm okay-ish at talking to people for the most part, but after becoming more self aware of all the things I do, it has progressively gotten worse. I dunno. There's all sorts of stuff I could type, but it'd take hours.

  67. Almost, well, probably, all of these, every single time, I actually, manage, to make it to work. TBH I can't remember all 30, but, I completely agree with the ones I did remember, so the others probably do, too? I remember, relating to each one as you mentioned them. That's what I'm going with, 100% agree

  68. I have autism ,diagnosed at age 40, I can understand masking. I grew up in a mental hospital and had to mask much more than I ever wanted to .
    My autistic behavior wasn’t tolerated . Back then they said my behavior was “sick” and had to be stopped. I was called schizophrenic . My parents were told that the place didn’t give labels but I saw my records as an adult . My mask wouldn’t stay on ,It fell off a lot and I was criticized for my real face showing. I was often told “people won’t accept you “ if I didn’t stop certain behaviors I needed to cope with life .
    MY BIO WAS PUBLISHED THIS SPRING . The title HELLO ,STRANGER, MY LIFE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM .
    By Barbara Moran as told to Karl Williams —Published by Ki Cam Projects . I NO LONGER EVER TRY TO MASK. IF I HAVE TO MASK TO BE WITH SOMEONE THEY AREN’T WORTH RELATING TO. I NEED TO BE ME !!! I feel overwhelmed by too much noise and I refuse to be in loud environments . Acting normal isn’t worth it and I reject people who expect me to act normal. If you read Hello ,Stranger , I explain it all .
    Neurotypicals make too big a deal about appearance !!! Trying to look a certain way makes people miserable .
    Please believe me .There really is a book !!!You can look it up on line

  69. I have never been officially diagnosed as ASD, but I have always known I was not like other people. I have been "playing" normal all of my life. I feel like an outsider even around my family. I have been diagnosed with a myriad of psych disorders since childhood (I am 59) I watch people constantly to see what they do, but I never let people to get too close to me. I have been told that I am unfriendly and unapproachable. I freak out when I have to participate in any social function. I prefer to be by myself and often feel alone in a room full of people, but by myself, I do not feel lonely, because I can just enjoy my time, without feeling guilty or weird. Is that masking?

  70. 1. Not sure. Nothing to compare it to.
    2. I never feel I can be myself.
    3. Yes I observe others.
    4. Yes accents are easy for me.
    5. Yes I isolate if need to.
    6. Yes
    7. I feel transparent with no skin yes so I often hide.
    8. No, my empathy is true and deep. It's the real me.
    9. Not a robot but I categorize appropriate, applicable behavior modes in my head.
    10. No one knows I'm Aspie. I'm a good actor.
    11. I don't know who's me and who's the masker cuz I've been not me for so long
    12. Yes my real self won't be accepted except by children.
    13. Yes don't have an identity and don't fit
    14. I'm always ashamed yes
    15. Yes called odd weird strange all my life
    16. I don't know how to identify others masking
    17. Yes I constantly role play cuz real me sucks.
    18. Yes constant dumbing self down!!!!!!! Or will be made fun of
    19. Hate being touched except boyfriend. Hate social hugs. I pretend.
    20. Yes I am seen as snobby.
    21. Not sure cuz have never been aware of my masking. I've had to since 5 years old.
    22. Eye contact is excruciating. I force it. I feel transparent. And ugly.
    23. I don't know if I stim except rocking and drumming fingers.
    24. I'm constantly distracted away from n bored by people.
    25. Yes!!!! I think most humor is stupid, dumb and I don't get it. I fake laugh and greatly resent it.
    26 Most conversations interest me but if I don't care or think it's stupid my face gets tense and I try to leave asap.
    27. Constantly rehearse!!!!! I'm frequently misunderstood and feel terrible about it.
    28. I space out a lot with people. It's like I'm bored with most people unless they have info I need.
    29. Self regulate almost all the time. Taught that I'm not acceptable.
    30. Yes exquisitely aware of disapproval or disappointment or disgust on people's faces.

  71. How do you tell the difference between simply being introverted and being on the spectrum? I relate strongly to the majority of these. I absolutely hate parties and the simplest social event gives me anxiety. I can fake enjoying myself for a while but am actually counting down to the time to when it would be acceptable to leave. I feel the most relaxed alone or with close family or friends. I have gotten to be a master at making eye contact and conversation, for the comfort of the people I'm speaking to. Though my job is technical, I have to interact with people, and I've learned to do that. It is definitely a performance, but I thought of it as training. Don't all people perform to some extent? Smiling and being polite to the customer, even though you're thinking inside that's he's a miserable smelly bastard? So I'm confused as to what is an introverted person, versus one with Autism. I have never considered myself to be Autistic and landed here trying to understand exactly what it is. I thought i just had social anxiety. Very confused about this…

  72. No, 4 the few couple too few years I just randomly will blurred out "NO FILTERS NO BRAKES SRY!" ??…. AND FOR THE MOST PART NO I DON'T MASK I'VE ALWAYS BEEN BLUNT TOLD I DON'T ANSWER APPROPRIATELY OR WHEN IT IS APPROPRIATE THAT I AM TOO BLUNT OR RUDE and most often I am completely perplexed and lost I find myself all the time being blindsided by what is blunt and in my face don't know why it doesn't work both ways but I am apologetic and Ernest at thatand I tell them whoever they are sorry but I can't control her I would I promise that it's not that I want you more like the other people because I've always no that's being like everyone is not what I wanted I pretty much I'm completely disappointed if not repulsed by being mindset most if not everyone at least at some point but I'm 53 I live alone with three dogs in the countryI'm really the only interactions that I have are ones that you cannot avoid like the grocery store or the gas station immediately upon meeting anyone knew I announce did I prefer texting over calling and please never ever ever show upat my house without a Spurs haven't had a conversation or regardless how long you knock and call out my name and my dog's bark incessantly at the door I will not answerI felt the necessity to do this because it wrecked my world when my schedule is altered regardless if my schedule is laying in bed relaxing at day watching TV for me that is like winding down is the time when I can rest talk really fast I have a monotone voice if not a man's voice I mean I am always being called Sir at a drive-thru or even on the phone even when they ask me what my name is and I answered Michelle they will continue to call me mister Michellethis is one thing I've always absolutely hate it sometimes I correct them sometimes I just don't feel like putting up the fight but normally I am either quiet and trying to escape back to Haven endless notes list schedules plans…. Or wide open as they come * 200 so I talked low that's just my normal voice I talk fast that's just where I'm from I can't help that either plus my mind is already shut off a whole novel one of those few words I'm just trying to keep upsome people are like coolant chill-out calm down slow down relax breathe and when that happens I know immediately I need to find a an escape route, because those things just aren't me I don't work like that and seldom if ever find myself fronting for someoneand needless to say no I don't really have anybody in my life I quickly overwhelmed everyone and I know that so the interactions are not anything but waste of time in my mind if it serious or business I try very hard to get it covered and as little time as possible but for me even that is an eternity… no matter how quick
    on the other hand I must say once I sayif I get shut down or if I have to shut myself down that is the one thing I can absolutely do via text phone or in person once I commit to shutting it off even if in mid-sentence but I thought this was just the way I was raised my whole family does itwe can have an intense 5 our conversation and then all sudden the other person to say I got two and I'll go by and I will just hang up and be done with it becausethe whole actions of communicating no matter who it is is a big job and it wears me the hell outeven when it is a great conversation very seldom even when I want to be involved it's still a relief to get done

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