Now is Your Time to Say YES to Your Dreams


we are conditioned most of us are
conditioned when we grow up to not celebrate who we are, to not brag about ourselves and not feel great and you know if you do that it means you’ll be getting
arrogant we want women to celebrate themselves to feel good and secure and
have this knowing that they are good at what they do and they do deserve the life
the dreams and they do deserve to fulfill their potential and not have to
apologize for feeling like that because that’s not how we should be here
as women we want women to celebrate themselves and celebrate how
successful they are and what’s great about them and what’s not great about
them we want people to be unapologetic about it you know welcome to yourbrilliance.com I’m your
host Amy Waterman do you feel as if everyone else is moving forward and
getting what they want and achieving great things well you’re stuck waiting
for somebody to tap you on the shoulder when’s it gonna be your turn when
there’s somebody to finally notice all that work you’ve been putting in and
turn that spotlight onto you so many of us feel as if we’ve got to wait our turn
you know maybe the kids come first or your husband’s career comes first or
someone has to retire before it’s finally your turn now we are good at
being patient but come on like when’s it gonna happen for us well that is a
question that our guests for today are uniquely positioned to answer with over
20 years and successful senior leadership roles in the corporate world
Donna and Cheryl now run their own coaching services business now is your
time their ambition is for everyone to live their best life clients working
with them go on a journey from feeling stressed burnt-out and doubting
themselves to finding balance confidence and more happiness than they could ever
imagine they not apply not only their 40 combined years of leadership and
experience and building high-performing teams but they also bravely share their
own personal journeys and life lessons welcome Donna and Cheryl so your goal is
to help your clients break free from limiting beliefs imposter syndrome and
just plain fear how do those things hold us back in so many ways I think often
especially as women we’re the caregivers we’ve been living out these rules, we’ve been behaving in a certain way for so many years that we don’t actually even
realize that they are limiting beliefs we just think that’s how life should be
that we’ve made our bed we should lie in it and we don’t want that we want you to
wake up and go for the life of your dreams and not compromise on that.
And quite often you won’t even let yourself dream that this could be
possible so you know people might find themselves thinking oh well that’s okay
for them, that happened to them, but that wouldn’t be something I could do.So they have these doubts in the mind that actually somebody
else can do something that they will be able to do but that’s
just fear popping in trying to keep yeah so it’s this idea that that we have
chosen our life and that that’s just what we’ve got so do you think this is
particularly said it was a an issue that women seem to struggle with more than
men?
Yeah, absolutely, we find more men have gone for their dreams, they’re not as worried about failing a lot of the time. For many of the clients that we work with, they compromise their happiness to some extent, so that the guy can become the partner at the firm or set his own business up or they up sticks and move to Australia so that you know so
that the man can have his chance at making his business and she’s sometimes
often putting her wishes and dreams and wants and desires on the back burner
until his needs have been met and I think sometimes we kind of get worried, we’re in our mid forties where we’re like that’s not working for me anymore
you know I really want to go for what I want and not compromise.
I think quite often as well where children are involved, women quite often put themselves on the back burner because they’re raising their families or they’re a stay-at-home mom and feel guilty wanting to go and do something for
themselves because they feel they should be putting all of their effort and care into bringing their children up.
So I’m gonna have a really hard question how much can
we expect our families to accommodate us so let’s say we have a woman right now
who has a dream she’s got a husband she’s got kids right now the family
balance is perfect because you know everybody’s got their roles she’s
supporting them now she wants to pursue something on her own how much can she
expect her children and her husband to inconvenience themselves to support her
dream put them out do they have to sell their home do they have to move across
town you know but generally speaking what we find is
challenges that women have ruled it out because they think, their perception is,
that their husbands won’t support them and the kids would have to have a
different life and if they set their own business up, for example, they might think, well that means the kids can’t go on holiday, I won’t have money to buy
them toys at Christmas and we kind of catastrophize all of these negatives
rather than just thinking they could be so many positives. And generally speaking
in our experience when the women have been spoken to their partners and said
look you know I’m not really happy I want more and I think if I’m happier if
I’ll help bring more to the table I’ll help be more to the family most of
the time what we found is the men say thank God for that like I’ve been saying
for years you’re not happy you know I can tell you’re not happy and I want
you to be happy and at the end of the day if you are a loving couple there’s
no reason why your partner wouldn’t be supportive sometimes they might feel
like it’s going to be challenging they might feel, so what if this and what
if this and is this another fad you know is this another one like when you
bought all the gym equipment but then you didn’t do anything you know let’s
face it we’ve all done them, bought all the juicers and then gone to the next item or the next fad so sometimes it’s just a case of us not being defensive about that and
really trying to understand where they’re coming from and having that open
communication is really key in that but once you are really confident in
yourself about what it is that you want or what you’re gonna bring to the table
it’s easier to have the conversation from that point so one of the things I
love about your coaching business is its name now is your time and I think this
is an issue so many of us struggle with when it comes to opportunities maybe an
opportunity comes up that looks exciting but we think this may be not the right
time maybe you know I need to wait till though till the kids are a little bit
older or maybe I need to wait until our financial situation is a bit better or
until you know my parents health is better so I don’t have to run over and
look after them how do we know when this is the time to pursue our dream or maybe
we just need to hold off a little bit and wait until you know the timing is a
bit better
Again, it’s an excellent question.
When is the right time? We wouldn’t be sitting here today talking about our business if we’d waited for the right time, so some of it is
intuition when you have got this purpose when you know that the thing that
you want to do is something that’s deep inside you and you’ve just got this
burning desire to go out and force it to make a difference in the world you have
to be breathed and sometimes make decisions and choices and cut back
because it might not be the right time but when you’ve got this burning and when
you realize what you want to do and what you want to pursue it takes over the
decision-making or the timing of things because you just know that that’s what
you were meant to do which is what happened to us.
Yeah it’s kind of like that thing
you know when you’re in your twenties or thirties you think that might be nice to
have a baby and then one day you wake up and you can’t think about anything else
that’s what I liken it to like this whisper that was in my head about half
the culture in business 20 years ago just became this overwhelming roar and
when I thought about not having it it made me so upset because it just
felt like I couldn’t move forward anymore until I explored it but we have
to give ourselves the space to do that and the other thing for us is what we
want to really wake women up to and men in this case is, for us this came about
because Cheyrl’s dad sadly passed away and we were thinking about working
together and thinking about what we wanted to do and I just sat and thought, literally now
is the time if we don’t do this now what are the signs that we’re waiting
for you know what has to happen for us to think it’s the perfect time because
guess what there is no such thing there is just now in this decision in this
moment in moving towards what makes you happy so often in our life we’re moving
away from something that makes us unhappy but actually if you move toward
the thing that just brings you joy then the detail kind of doesn’t matter. Okay
I’m gonna ask you another really hard question what if you say right I’m gonna
do this I’m gonna try this and you just run into one obstacle after another
after another you just think maybe I wasn’t meant to
do this after all I’m just going to come out with a one-liner. We believe that obstacles are detours in the right direction. Every time an obstacle or challenge is thrown in your way, you have to ask the question, not why is this being done to me but what is this here to teach me, what can I learn from this experience..
That is fantastic.
Because if your why is still there and the reason that you want it is still there then
it’s not going to come easily to you you know like like having a baby for me
didn’t come easy there was tests and doctors and you know ivf courses and
none of that worked but like in my head i still had this vision of a baby so i
was never gonna stop no matter what they said and this is kind of the same for us
our business and the business that we help our clients to set up like for them
that becomes their baby that vision and what they hold in their head become so
strong that obstacles are just something really oh okay
how do I deal with this I think if you come across obstacles and it makes you
want to give up don’t give up just take a rest but what is it there to teach you
and just don’t let it really stop you because sometimes our fear is looking
for an excuse sometimes our fear is looking for a way out and we just have to
hold strong to what we know in our call you know absolute heart is the path for
us and they will just fall away.
What I love about what you said is that you
said you know sometimes you can treat your your vision or your business like a
baby and I think in some ways when we think of our dream of something external
to us that deserves the right to be nurtured and looked after it’s a lot
easier for us to dedicate those resources for it whereas sometimes especially if
you’ve always been used to putting yourself last it’s very hard to say well
here I’m so great I’ve got this idea and I’m gonna do all this and it can feel
really uncomfortable whereas if you think of your dream is a baby that
deserves the right to walk and run I think it’s it can be a much more
comfortable way to look at it yeah absolutely it comes from within you. We do feel like we’ve literally birthed this business. We said that at the end of last year when we were doing our reflections we birthed a baby this year, we birthed this gorgeous thing but equally for us your business or your work in the
world is an extension of yourself and for us this is about how powerfully we
can serve women how we can help wake women up to what their potential is how
we can empower them with the tools and strategies to live into that potential
and to just dream big and go for it and if some of it doesn’t work and we have
to pivot oh then that’s okay like we live at least we’ll be trying and doing
something that is coming from the heart rather than just turning up to a job
like we did in corporate and working really hard you know for ten twelve
hours a day at least five days a week and what was the outcome of that what
was the pay off it was always for somebody else for something else for
this pot of money for these shareholders that you can’t see and we love to work
we enjoyed it because of the people but the personal fulfillment and the purpose
was disconnected.
Which is to add that we are conditioned most of us are
conditioned when we grow up to not celebrate who we are and not brag about ourselves
and not feel great and you know if you do that it means you’re big-headed and
arrogant we want women to celebrate yeah to feel good and secure and have this
knowing that they are good at what they do and they do deserve the life of their dreams and they do deserve to fulfill their potential and not have to apologize for
feeling like that because that’s not how we should be here I mean we
want women to celebrate themselves and celebrate how successful they are and
what’s great about them and what’s not great about them we want people to feel
be unapologetic about it. you know especially in England we’re always like be quiet speak
when you spoken to push the adults you know we keep kids in the boxes and we’re
like no which is why working with kids is really important to us as well so that
younger age so that they don’t have these limiting beliefs by be the time they’re
adulting.
So talk to me about it you had mentioned imposter syndrome what
is that about mm-hmm so imposter syndrome
is something really close to our heart because I was told by a psychologist I
had it – gosh, how many years ago, 12 years ago now – and at the time I would get a great promotion Amy and I would given more money and I would sit in the car and cry I bought my first house at 23 and it went and cried in the back like every night for weeping I was gonna lose it so when I would get this promotion or get
more money I was literally waiting for what I
called talent police I was thinking any day now
somebody’s gonna come and say how have you got this job how are you leading
hundreds of people how did you get that I just couldn’t come to terms with that
success so when I was in this amazing worldwide leadership program they said
to me you’ve just got stereotypical typical impostor syndrome
it affects high performers it affects high achievers you have tendencies like
perfectionism and things are just never good enough you’re very hard on yourself
you don’t believe your success and you certainly never celebrate your success
because you don’t actually believe it’s real and they said to me at the time I’m
like 80% of women are suffering from this but you think it’s who you are like
I had never verbalized from these things the psychologist was repeating back to
me through this gamut of 4-hour tests and interviews that I had done and it
just made sense and I cried with relief because I genuinely just thought I was a
crazy person and I called this the voice in my head the crazy lady this woman
saying to me, who are you to come up with these opinions, who are you be to run these teams, who are you to kind of have a thousand staff and I believed that because I thought she was me once I realized that this was just part of my
identity part of my fear part of my struggle to be successful and I could
speak to her almost as a separate entity I went on this real journey of discovery,
of finding out who she was what she was about how I could deal with her and
learn lots of strategies so now we’re really passionate one about the
education to women to let them know that you’re not crazy it’s just a voice and
it’s your inner critic and she will try and
keep you in your place just because she’s worried that you’re going to get hurt she’s
trying to keep you safe and protected it gives you a different relationship with your fear. Instead of I am crazy okay that’s just my crazy lady speaking I can choose to thank her for the help she’s trying to give and then pass on by and choose a different thought. Choose again.
I love the fact we all have a crazy
lady inside it’s so true I totally identify with that.
So when she pops up in relationships saying who are you to have this guy he’s way too good for you. Sometimes it pops up when we’re parenting, going you see you don’t know what you’re doing, look, you’ve made your child cry or it comes up all the time for us so it’s just about hearing that
voice, acknowledging it, identifying it, and really going, okay, that’s not who I am, that’s just this voice in my head and I can choose to do something different about that.
That is fantastic so you not only offer one-on-one coaching but you’ve got
group coaching services and I was particularly interested you did group
coaching services around a body image and weight as well.
Yes so we have done a program on that before, which is really interesting, because again for us it all comes down to mindset. So what we’ve found is most of the programs out there are trying to control your calories your exercise
your activity and that’s all really important but actually before all of that was why
you were doing that in the first place you and that’s something that I’ve
worked on all my life again coming from childhood trauma and my relationship
with food is really complicated and it actually has nothing to do with
measuring calories that doesn’t help me understand my triggers around food
and what that emotional eating is where is it coming from or what’s that about
and how do I change that pattern of behavior was always more important for
me and the current program that we’re launching is called the real you which
is all around helping women find their authentic selves helping them reconnect because a lot of the time we feel really lost we’re second guessing
ourselves we’ve got all these thoughts spirals going around in our head and
again just bringing it home and saying okay well let’s dig deep
let’s find your identity let’s help you work out for yourself who you are what’s
important to you what your values are what your purpose is what your mission is
and what makes you feel fulfilled you know with six months we take the
women on this journey to really live in their best life.
The core part of that is
rewiring the mindset so everybody has an inner critic a voice that isn’t serving
them so we help them to tap into that and to choose different thoughts so that
they start to rewire the mindset so the majority of the thoughts that they have
a positive and that are helpful rather than something they told them back the
fear yeah it’s just crazy we have 60,000 thoughts a day 60,000 circle that number
in 95% of those thoughts are coming from these subconscious patterns this way
of thinking and these beliefs that we’re holding and informing our actions so a lot
the time we’re doing things and we just think well I don’t like the result that
I’m getting here but we don’t realize is these old tapes run and these
old voices these old experiences from when we were kids playing through new
scenarios as adults and sometimes we try and fix what we’re saying but until
we go deep and really take back those layers and understand what we’re
about you’re only ever gonna get temporary fixes so our goal is to always really
empower people with a longer-term solution like resources what it’s
about to us fantastic and for those of you watching if you’re interested in
finding out more about whether you can work with Donna and Cheryl personally
whether you want to just know about now is your time the group coaching we have
a link for you just go to yourbrilliance/org/yourtime
that’s yourbrilliance/org/yourtime Thank you Donna and Cheryl
for coming on to the show and I wondered if you had any less message and like to
leave our viewers with?
That’s excellent, we love that. Just be you. Be unapologetically you and live the best life you can. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed so make the most of today.
Fantastic thank you so much and thank you out there for
watching we hope to see you again soon until then let your brilliant shine

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