Signs of Alexithymia in autism (part 1/2)

Signs of Alexithymia in autism (part 1/2)


alexithymia in autism this is Carol bird
here author of the Sun I almost gave away and I would like to do a two-part
video for you guys this one will be more of my vlog so this is part one but be
sure to watch part two because I will be doing a little bit of a demonstration of
what alexithymia can look and feel like in an autistic and non-autistic and then
what sensations can look and feel like in an everyday person that does not have
alexithymia so it’s gonna have three different kind
of presentations that I want to show you guys just to help you visualize what
those differences actually are and I find a lot of people learn best by
demonstration so this is gonna really help put it in perspective so I will get
straight to my vlog so I have my notes of course I always have my notes so
basically what alexithymia is is the inability to really be in touch and in
tune with one’s emotions it’s an inability to identify what it is you’re
feeling it’s pretty common in autistics but it is also fairly prevalent and
other type of there’s mental disorders and learning disabilities brain damage
there’s all different kinds of other individuals that can have it not just
those that are neurodiverse the main thing is we tend to be very emotionally
unaware it’s not that we don’t have feelings it’s that they’re kind of all
adorable so our emotions are sort of all mixed in with our physical sensations
and it’s just kind of like a mush it’s kind of like everything’s like a mush if
you’re to imagine you’re let’s say baking a pie and you’re
going to have all of these different ingredients that you put in the pie
you’ve got your nutmeg and your flour and your sugar and all of these things
you can easily identify each of those ingredients separately before they start
getting all mixed together in the pot but as soon as you’ve mixed it and
you’ve baked it it’s kind of hard to tell what all is in there and for an
individual suffering with alexithymia it’s kind of like that it’s kind of like
all the ingredients have been put together put in the oven baked and now
we’re being asked to separate them when someone says what do you feel so it’s
kind of like your sugar and your salt and your flour is kind of like hungry
sad and tired and once you mix that all together and it becomes a pie it’s
really hard to separate those things and that is what we deal with everything
kind of gets mixed together another issue that individuals can
struggle with that have alexithymia is social attachment we have a huge issue
attaching to people and situations at times because we’re so detached in our
ability to tap into those emotions we find it very hard to pinpoint what we’re
feeling and then translate that into words that’s the easiest way to describe
it communication and relationships can become a big problem because part of
healthy relationship is being able to communicate what you’re feeling and then
you know you express and you listen and there’s dialogue here’s what happens to
me if someone asks me what I’m feeling or how that made me feel or the first
thing is when I have feelings they don’t feel like feelings like a neurotypical
person let’s say would feel feelings feelings to me feel more like pressure like a pressure that is
building in my body and it doesn’t really matter what the feeling is
especially if it’s any kind of negative feeling it’ll feel like a pressure
that’s building in my central nervous system almost and that can be sadness it
can be longing for something it could be jealousy anger and outrage any kind of
any of these feelings confusion and then there’s the bodily sensations that all
kind of feel the same to me too it’s just like you’re hungry you’re tired
you’re lethargic you’re whatever all of these kind of things for me feel like
pressure and the more intense the emotion would be the more intense the
pressure feels it’s kind of like I need that release valve just like to go so
that way the pressure can come down so I can articulate okay what is it
even that I’m feeling that’s what it’s like so if someone asks me a question
about how did you feel when this person died or how did you feel when you broke
up with that person or you know how does it make you feel when I talk to you like
that or whatever someone who doesn’t have alexithymia will be able to
instantaneously answer that but for me and pretty much everyone in my life who
knows me really well will know that if I’m asked about emotional feelings in
particular I’m gonna tell them most likely I need to get back to them on
that but if they were to ask me something about what I think I can
usually answer answer the question instantaneously but if they’re gonna ask
me about how I felt about someone dying or something like that I’m probably
gonna have to say something like I’ll need some time to think about that and
that isn’t the norm and then what happens for me to process and be able to
prepare an answer for them and I do do that like if someone asks me
I’m feeling I tell them I’m gonna get back to them then I take some time
sometimes it’s a few hours sometimes it’s a few days and I think about it and
there’s a process I have to go through to think about it to come up with an
answer it’s it’s um it’s like running a diagnostic like your car breaks down and
you want to take it into the shop you want to run a diagnostic on the engine
to find out what’s wrong with it if someone asks me about how something made
me feel or how I’m feeling or how I felt I literally have to run a diagnostic and
it’s a process of thinking about the question first of all and just thinking
about the question alone will start triggering video and I think in video so
it’s gonna trigger a memory recall in all these different videos and attach to
these videos there will be these kind of impulses that trigger feelings and if
I’m really paying attention I can catch the feeling as the video is playing and
that’s how I kind of know how I feel or how I felt about something yeah I have
to really silence everything else and tap into almost like a meditative state
I have to really tap into the videos that are playing in my mind to catch a
moment or a glimpse of what that emotion is and then I can usually articulate it
but it takes a lot of time and I and it takes a lot of focus and I have to spend
energy to do it it’s not just it doesn’t just it’s not just here so that’s an
important thing my friends my family people I’m in a relationship with know
that I need time to be able to think about how I feel and if someone wants an
answer now it’s so overwhelming that I usually can’t give them a truthful
answer so I try when I can to just like put it off so I can be honest I’m so
yeah relationship communication becomes a problem so I explained to you guys how
I have to analyze I don’t have to go through that again
I pay a lot of attention when I am analyzing – what’s my body doing and
saying when I think about these things and
I’ve kind of figured out what sadness feels like what rage feels like like
sadness I feel it more like I’m like a hollow in my stomach and rage kind of
feels like really intense pressure in my head and my blood pressure will start
rising my pulse will start rising I’ll get flushed and so I have to tap into my
bodily sensations when I’m doing like video recall on whatever it is that I’m
supposed to think about to figure out what my feelings are I have to the the
way I understand what my feelings are are the sensations I get in my body when
I think about that thing so that’s how I figure out what I’m feeling otherwise I
wouldn’t actually know what I’m feeling I think the one thing to that’s
important to point out is the amount of time it takes for someone who has
alexithymia to articulate what they’re feeling compared to someone who doesn’t
for some people they’re not even gonna be able to do it at all
no matter how much time you give them for others it’s just gonna take a few
seconds like a few a few moments of pause and for me it’s usually a couple
of hours to a couple of days and if I don’t get alone time I won’t be able to
usually do it at all but there are times where I’m in the right frame of mind
where someone asks me how I feel about something and I’m on the phone or they
say how are you feeling today I’ll just say hang on one second let me think
about that and then I really just can’t tap into my body and give them an answer
so with Alexa the–my you’re gonna find at the very least when you ask someone
about anything in regards to feelings at the very least they’re gonna need a
pause that’s kind of your giveaway that you’re dealing with someone with
alexithymia is they need at the least a moment to think now once again I’ve
talked about this in my video several time
and I still feel a little bit of shame to talk about it because it makes me
sound like a sociopath and that’s a little embarrassing but let’s just say
someone dies and someone asks me how I’m feeling about it I need to ask myself
some questions about that and be very real to give them a real answer so I’ll
ask me my cell ask myself questions like do I miss them do I feel like I’m going
to miss them and as I’m asking myself all these questions I’m seeing if it
triggers anything to happen in my body it’s like I’m testing soft spots like
what about this what about this and that’s how I come up with an answer and
unfortunately because I am impaired in the attachment component I don’t really
miss people and I don’t really feel sad when they die and the only people that I
think I would be really affected like deeply affected if they passed away
would be the man who I thought was my soul mate we’re not together anymore but
if he died I think that would definitely affect me and any of my children for
sure those ones would definitely affect me in that I wouldn’t really have to
take a whole lot of time to think about it and ask myself a lot of questions
those feelings would be very raw but anybody else I tend to be very very
detached which is part of alexithymia is we do have impairments in the attachment
area if I was to describe in kind of one word
what a feeling or an emotion actually feels like to me let’s just go with an
emotion the number one way I could describe what emotions feel like to me
is just an all-encompassing energy or pressure like it’s pushing on my body or
it’s like building up in my body to an explosive point and this is one thing
you’ll see in alexithymia is a lot of us have issues with having a really tiny
little fuse and we can be very explosive and lose our cool really really easily
you’ll see that actually quite a bit that we’ll have temper fits and yeah
it’s not it’s not healthy it’s not pretty but we have trouble regulating
our emotions sometimes because we’re not really in tune with them we don’t
understand what’s happening another way to describe it is it feels like my blood
is kind of like racing through my body and so if I feel an emotion that emotion
can feel like my blood is like racing through my body and the pressures like
building up in my veins and most of my emotions can feel that way excitement
rage sadness it all kind of feels like pressure coming from in my veins just
wanting to like get out I can get short of breath I can feel tired all of these
emotions feel all of these emotions present themselves in a person with
alexithymia more like a mixture of physical feelings so it gets really
confusing because we feel our emotions a lot of the time more physically than we
do in a kind of out there kind of place they kind of have their own little parts
in our body is almost where we feel them sometimes it can be like a really
overwhelming pressure to the point of causing a lot of anxiety so we know
we’re feeling an emotion we can’t figure out what it is we feel this intensity
developing and this can lead to an autistic meltdown or shutdown or some
type of physical ailment can start presenting when we’re really just
overwhelmed emotionally we seem to respond more physically the other thing
too is that we don’t always there’s times when we actually understand what
we’re feeling like fear is an example we feel the fear but we can’t figure out
why we’re afraid and we also feel things at times that are illogical feelings so
let’s just say for example we just ate we can all of a sudden feel like really
hungry but it’s actually not hunger we’re feeling it’s fear and so we’re
confusing feelings like emotions with physical sensations and the other way
around so I I haven’t read a lot about this but
I’ve noticed this in myself and in other autistic
alexa theme is not just the inability to understand what we’re feeling and to
express what we’re feeling it also really involves the confusion of
feelings like we have the wires mixed or crossed and we feel things when that’s
not what we’re feeling so so much of our time and energy is actually spent on
trying to understand and make sense of what it is we’re feeling figure out if
it’s rational change our feelings if so if it’s not like logical or correct it we kind of have to play the detective on
ourselves like a lot I was gonna give you guys kind of just a
few of the other health conditions that can present with alexithymia
so I have depression eating disorders endocrine disorders substance abuse
brain injuries see PTSD and PTSD and then of course like we’re talking about
neurodiversity so forms of autism Asperger’s and that so to sort out let’s
just say you’re in a relationship with someone who has alexithymia
and you want to be able to communicate with them and you don’t want them to go
into meltdown or shutdown but you can see rather they’re not doing well or
you’re having a conversation and you want to know how they are doing or how
they felt about something what I found is asking closed-ended questions like asking questions that are too broad
actually asking questions that are too broad or too vague become really
overwhelming especially if you put a lot of words into your question so for
example if you want to communicate especially with an autistic that has
alexithymia this is what you want to not do you don’t want to say to them
something like okay yesterday when we had this fight you made me feel this way
in that way when you did this and then you did this afterwards and then you
left and this is how it made me feel and why were you doing that what made you
think that and anyways then after that this and that and then they go on and
then they ask you a question at the end so tell me what were you thinking when
you did that you know you try to run all of that stuff by an autistic with
alexithymia especially if they’re a visual video thinker no no it’s you’re
not gonna get nothing out of them you’re gonna think that they’re
trying to participate in the conversation really or they’re being
difficult but you literally just took like their whole soul and you like put
it into a big soup and you mixed it all up and you know um here’s what you want
to do if you really want to communicate with someone with alexithymia
in a way that you can help them to understand what they’re feeling and you
can actually tap in to finding out what they’re feeling you ask very specific
questions without a lot of words involved in the formation of the
question so for example if let’s say you’re on a trip with them somewhere and
you want to know if they’re having a good time don’t say to them are you
having a great time I’m having a great time are you having a great time say to
them is this environment making you feel safe or uncomfortable most of us can
tell through our bodily sensations when we take a moment of pause to unto be
able to think to ourselves do I feel safe right now or do I feel
uncomfortable right now don’t ask them just how they’re feeling pinpoint it –
are you feeling this or are you feeling that and try to be specific if let’s
just say for example you want to know if they’re hungry they might not be able to
tell if they’re hungry even if you ask them if they’re hungry so instead of
saying are you hungry you should ask babe when did you eat last and they’re
gonna probably be able to tell you oh that was it two o’clock or three o’clock
and then you can figure out easily by then if it’s time for them to eat or not
like there’s these little things that you can do if you want to know if the
way that you’re speaking to them is feeling condescending or if it’s if it
feels safe for them then you need to ask them specific questions about it when I
use this tone does it make you feel happy
or does it make you feel sad and then you have to be prepared to give them a
lot of time to answer you can’t expect an instantaneous an instantaneous
response but I can tell you this that sometimes all of our feelings physically
and emotionally are like a big soup and if you really want to know why we’re
having a meltdown or a shutdown or what we’re really thinking or feeling you’re
gonna have to help us unravel a lot of stuff to get to it and it’s gonna be a
lot of work and sometimes we don’t want to do the work with you sometimes we
just want to be left alone we’re feeling all kinds of things going on in our
heads and we don’t want to talk about it we don’t want to sort it out we just
want to be left alone so start with finding out if that’s even something we
want to engage you in and involve you in how we’re feeling because you got to
understand that having alexithymia in and of itself is exhausting and a lot of
work now to communicate and break down everything to another person about how
we’re feeling is adding another challenge and sometimes we don’t want to
do that sometimes we want to just go nonverbal for a while and internalize
things so you want to first ask if the person even is welcomed into that
journey with you at the moment and if they are then you know good then go
forward with it but keep your questions don’t ramble with your questions just
keep them really concise that’s the best advice I could give you if you’re in a
relationship with someone with alexithymia help them unravel little bit
by little bit so it’s kind of like peeling an onion ask them one kind of
question and then that’s gonna help them articulate this kind of one feeling and
then push that aside okay so you’re feeling this when I did this it made you
that this and what’s gonna happen is if you are helping them they’re gonna feel
lighter and lighter and lighter as you go if you’re not helping them they’re
just gonna start acting really frustrated and overwhelmed and that’s
when you know this person needs you just to back off right now because you’re
making it worse so those are kind of the main things the next the part two I’m
gonna do the demonstration for you guys so I want you to tap into part two it’s
gonna be a very short one it’s not gonna be a long one so it’s not gonna be like
a 25-minute one and probably just be like two minute kind of little
demonstration so after this then click on the part two if you guys have any
questions for me obviously like I always say leave them in the comments and
recently I got to a thousand subscribers so I’m finally I’m finally getting to
the place where I feel like I have a decent amount of interaction going on on
my youtube channel so I get a lot of comments and that’s starting to feel
pretty nice every morning I wake up and I’ve got a whole bunch of notifications
on my YouTube people who want to converse with me and so that’s really
awesome I just want to mention too and I know a lot of you guys have done this
already but I do run a group called ASD village ASD V on Facebook and right now
at the time of filming this video I think we have about four hundred and
something autistic members in there so if you want to join please look us up in
the groups on Facebook and join the group it’s for autistics only we do
accept individuals who are caregivers for autistics but that’s pretty much the
extent of it so yeah that’s about it anyways click on to the part two now
it’s Carol bird here author of the Sun I almost gave away by

22 comments / Add your comment below

  1. I didnt even know I have it before this. You always speak about things that make us understand the world and ourselves. Thank you!

  2. That's very interesting what you said about alexithymia and social attachment.

    I'm going to have to reconsider the possibility that I may have it.

    When I first heard people describe alexithymia, I was certain that I did not have it.

    Now, I'm not so certain.

    I don't know whether to thank you or curse you for that. Lol.

  3. Warm pressure in my case. Yes, the video clip playing when surrounding is quiet and dim. I had been always puzzled about myself how I could be so calm when a loved one passes.

  4. For me someone will ask me how I’m feeling and I will usually say I don’t know. For me it just feels like there is “gunk” inside of me. Emotions for me feel like shapes and colors and ambiguous pictures all smooshed together and sometimes the energies will be so intense that it’s actually unbearable for me because I can’t identify it. I will actually have to physically stop and process the extreme feeling. This will not only be with negative emotions but also incredibly positive ones because they are too intense. I also will feel like I need to create my own imaginary vocabulary to describe these feelings because the typical words do not always resonate or fully encompass what I feel. Other times I will have an intuitive “knowing” of exactly how I feel but I cannot translate into my own language.

  5. I listen to you and I see a lot things that match. But problem is this: the more I analyse and go into detailed description and generally to ASD information, the more disabled I feel. I totally understand and totally emphasise but it just doesn’t help me to live. The only way to live is to stop analyse myself and try to have a common sense. Otherwise I will sink into the world of Autism and will be marked deeply as someone who is not created to live a normal life.

  6. For me I straight up wasn't even aware you were supposed to actually feel emotions in your body until I was in my 30's. Something like guilt meant you know intellectually that you did something wrong. I had no idea there even was a body sensation to go along with that guilt.

  7. I felt pretty sure that I had this (sorry I can’t spell it and youtube won’t let me scroll back up to check w/o discarding the comment) before watching the video but not being able to understand my emotions well obviously makes it hard to tell if something really applies to me as well which can be really annoying, but the way that you described it felt like you describing my mind exactly. Thank you <3

  8. Oh. "I think in videos".
    Snap!
    "Ouch!:
    Why is "ouch" the response to meeting someone who thinks in video? I have no idea… I'll have to get back to you on that one.

    I had to tell someone the other day "English isn't actually my first language". That is technically true. I was referring to my visual thinking, though, because even though I've always known I think in pictures I hadn't worked out until two days ago the effort it takes to translate from auditory to visual to verbal. And how frustrating it can be to articulate my visual and have it "heard wrong" and be misunderstood.

    Seemingly only other autistics or those with autistics in their lives are fluent in my language.

    I dont know why that hurts. Just that there is pressure on my breastbone & forehead. I'll have to get back to you on that…

  9. Thank you for making this video. It was so informative for someone without it.Please make a video about romatic and platonic relationships with people with Alexithymia.Also,about being a parent with Alexithymia.

  10. If you liked this video – you may want to check out this one as well: Am I autistic test! 9 Communication Styles That Confuse the LIFE out of Autistic People! https://youtu.be/4XL-bfrdiPM

  11. Using what you say. If you are taken in front of the boss, or asked a question by police, how do you answer? I lost my job once, as an autistic, because something went wrong on the job, but I was asked questions shortly after the event and I could not process the event at all, so I was judged on the spot, and was fired immediately. Rage, fear, and anxiety also are similar to me, my brain gets less oxygen.

  12. With the pressure ur describing do you ever get any type of physical pain within your body when trying to analyze emotions? I’m asking because I have fibro, my emotions I find are stuck in my body. Lol. It’s weird but it happens to me. 😉

  13. Very informative, ty, didn't know there was a name for the "different way" I've always been. After years of being called cold, dispassionate, uncaring by various so called close family, but always being the go to person when things need doing because of those very "qualities". I'm not the tea and sympathy type, even with my children.
    It is also my 13 yr old aspergers son to a T. He's extremely susceptible to sounds/noise, which triggers total sensory overload and will shut him down so completely he can't communicate verbally or even non-verbally to anyone outside of his tiny circle of trusted people. He honed his description of how school makes him feel, " the noise and chaos of everyone, it hurts my ears. My blood is like it's turned to lava,"
    He's used this description with each each "professionals * who has just assessed him for extra support in sch. Not one has used this specific term, but all have referred to his social /emotional and communication difficulties with the v:ach

  14. Great video. Sometimes it is so hard to pinpoint. For me it's more like feeling intensely stressed and that anxiety building up. By now I know what shame feels like (I want to hide and disappear) and sadness (I want to cry) and being tired is not really having any motivation inside me for nothing at all. 
    I know I am hungry by having that hollow feeling in my stomach and
    My issue is more of not having any words to articulate, what my needs are. I feel stressed, but can't explain the WHY to a person, it is not really clear to me what I would need, I am very often at a loss of words and really have to think about things, and prepare them and put into boxes in my head or write them down in order to articulate things, but it seems only half of it is coming across even if I prepare. And yes, sometimes you just DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, but only be silent and think, do nothing.
    C-PTSD and autism are very jumbled together in my case as well, maybe for most of us? BECAUSE we are different? I first thought it was "just introversion and Trauma, but then I realized there are many overlaps between C-PTSD and Autism and therefore started investigating autism. And when I got to the point to listen to talks like Sarah Hendricks or Rudy Simone and read all I could about FEMALE autism, oh boy, yes, did that make sense to me, I could so relate. What a paradigm shift. All those difficulties I had as a kid and later on made sense all of a sudden.

    Carnivore diet has helped me tremendously, becoming clearer mentally. Dairy, Gluten, Soy, Spinach (so called Opioid foods) Oxalates, Carbohydrates were the real issue and now I am fairly functional although of course still needing solitude and recharging in silence in order to function..

  15. Re the short fuse, my take on it is that it's a really long fuse…with a lot of fuel.

    I'm studying, and while my lecturer WANTS to be kind….

    I just cannot study with him again this coming semester. He is new to lecturing (but not the area of study). So he puts on a persona of charisma. He's not selling snake oil, he's just trying to mask his newbie-ness.

    So that involves being "entertaining". In the break he puts on really loud, fast-moving music clips that take up an entire wall.

    So I speak privately to him about the effects that has on me (pain and confusion). And his solution is that I have permission to leave the room at break time. And if I'm feeling sensory overload afterwards because I can't get out of the room before he turns it on or I come back too soon afterwards. Because the break is only as long as however long the music video is….

    I try to speak to him before the first essay because I don't understand what the question is trying to elicit. "Just make sure you answer the question. Use three or four bullet points". I go to the essay skills class. I go to the academic counsellor. They both say that I need to speak to my lecturer again, and get him to be more specific.

    So I go back to my lecturer with my outline. He really DOES NOT WANT to meet – he thinks I understand it and that I'm just over anxious and need to not worry.

    Unbelievably stressful!

    There are two approaches I could take, depending on how I interpret the ambiguous (to me, anyway!) question. So I randomly choose one. And research and write. I don't have time to submit a draft to anyone – the whole process of going around in circles took too long.

    I get a higher distinction for the essay. And the feedback suggests that it was all there but less straightforwardly than he would have liked. And the research went way beyond his expectations (in a good way).

    I ask to meet with him to discuss the essay. He is REALLY reluctant to. He can't understand why I need to talk about it. I have no idea how to write an essay in this new-to-me tertiary discipline. "Well you must have some idea – you got an incredibly good mark".

    So having persuaded (strong-armed an unwilling participant) lecturer into meeting me, I manage to convey that I fluked interpreting the question (50% chance) and that I need to know what I am doing before the exam. Because the exam involves writing multiple essays….

    Success. He goes on leave for 2 weeks (legitimately, nothing to do with our conversation ?). We have an old school lecturer. Ten minute or so break and I get to go to the loo if I need to and not just to recover from overwhelm. Heck, I even get to talk to my fellow students and ask my lecturer a question…

    Then our usual lecturer comes back. He has put a display on the wall to help with the exam & we take turns to photo it. I've just started photoing when he puts on a clip a friend of his recommended…. it's the Chipmunks….

    My physical (unplanned!) response is that I blunder into the desk of a girl who has her head flopped down on the desk. Her coffee mug wobbles… she is startled alert and starts shouting at me. "You spilled my coffee… it could have ruined my laptop…. you need to be more careful!" She has an absolute effing meltdown.

    Meanwhile I just "obliviously" keep taking photos… and bump into another desk with a water bottle on it… it doesn't spill & its owner managed to leave the room prior, anyway. Nothing for the shamefaced girl to do but wipe up the coffee (which is nowhere near the laptop). Happily, for both of us, no-one really noticed. Certainly not the lecturer – because the Chipmunks are still squeaking & gyrating at such volume that it drowned out her shouting.

    Every week I come away with either mega headaches, the need to lie down for several hours, or an episode of dissociation/shutdown.

    It's only after exams are over (another epic saga) that I realise….

    All these repercussions were ONLY with this lecturer. Not with the guest lecturer. Not while studying for the exam.

    Once after the exam (accepted invite to a mega church – long story).

    And I realised that each week I suffer brain damage…. because my lecturer CANNOT (WILL NOT) get it. He is too wedded to his image of himself as an entertaining lecturer who breaks the mould.

    For 12 weeks I have been "seeing" his perspective, noting the way he turns his body away from me, noting the way he turns to his favourite student (the beaming girl who engages him with anecdotes of seeing him speak publicly and how good it was). I can see the shouting girl with the coffee (who is probably blogging about her Aspie-esque meltdown right now) and understand her while needing to keep her at arm's length.

    It has taken more than 12 weeks to door slam. No, no, and no again. I am going to continue my studies. But for this one unit of my course I am going elsewhere….

    Not a meltdown. Not a shutdown. Not impulsive. Just the buildup of tension telling me "no". (And cue the dance routine while I sing "Something here, here in my heart keeps a-telling me 'no', no, we're better apart,? keeps telling me so, and I don't think I should ignore it….? ". Honestly, there's a reason we laugh out loud to ourselves!)

    It's a frustrating mountain out of a molehill…. not least because it's all so unnecessary. I understand wanting to entertain. He cannot understand that he is inflicting brain damage….

    (I could now segue into how Tony Attwood's "Theory of Mind" gets right up my nose ….. because apparently we are unable to put ourselves into the mind of a neurotypical person. It cuts both ways, doesn't it? But I won't segue because it would definitely be ?? expletives ?)

  16. Yes yes yes….I have found a mirror.in particular anger and fear is most of my inner experience and it's always completely irrational. I try to healthily detach but that just makes me more aloof in the present.i rush my speech because I haven't caught up inside yet.ill even say to someone stop pressuring me for an answer I need time and then I will go self soothe with something

  17. Wow… I really liked the video! But Carol, how do you show affection for people? Is it more by words, by actions or what? Could you give me examples of it?

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